“I’m embarrassed and ashamed!”
“But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28
Honestly, can you think of any man not named Jesus that hasn’t committed this sin of adultery?
The normalization of sexual sin is everywhere, sadly, even in the Church. The statistics for porno consumption/addiction in the church closely mirror those who do not call Jesus Lord.
What I believe Jesus was also saying in Matthew 5:28, is “you can’t do this on your own.” He was explaining what God’s standard was, while at the same time showing how loving and gracious our heavenly father is. Only by the grace of God are we saved, not because we are without sin, in this case, sexual sin. We don’t come to God because we are clean, we come to God so he can redeem us and we can get cleaned up.
I’ve been a Christian since 1994, and I am challenged by lust on a regular basis. Temptation in our sex obsessed culture is off the charts. If I find myself lusting after a woman and therefore sinning, I repent and ask God for forgiveness. Of course, having been raised in this culture and conditioned by its norms, am I honestly aware of every time I sin in this regard? No.
What’s stopping you from seeking help for your struggles?
If you are reading this far down the webpage, you know you have a problem, or strongly suspect you do. You’ve got a few choices.
1. Do nothing
2. Try and do it on your own
Trying to fight porn addiction alone is similar to trying to get out of quicksand: without outside help, the more you struggle, the worse things get.
I began my recovery journey in 1993. I had started drinking alcohol at 12, smoking marijuana at 14, viewed porno extensively at 11 and started dealing with my co-dependency addiction at the age of 28. My own partial definition of addiction is “a form of running away.” The definition of porno addiction is “the compulsive need to view pornography, regardless of the consequences of one’s behavior.”
Excessive time spent watching porn may take precedence over important things, including one’s responsibilities, family or career, in other words....”running away” from things that are of a higher priority.
For Christians, porn brings with it shame and guilt, which often drives people further away from God and spiritual disciplines instead of closer.
How much porn does one have to view to be considered addicted?
Let’s try a different question shall we?
Just between you and God, how much lust is too much? Jesus has set us free from the slavery of sin, it’s up to us to acknowledge our sin and take evasive action.
You and I could quibble about how much time viewing porn makes you and I an addict or not, but what’s most important is what you want in your walk with God, what I want in my walk with the Lord?
What Most People Don’t Understand About Sexual Addiction
Sexual addiction or any addiction for that matter, as I mentioned earlier is a form of “running away.” Running away from what, you may wonder?
Pain!
How do I stop the pain?
The pain of relationship breakdowns, job stress, parenting responsibilities, health problems, difficult finances, childhood trauma, loneliness...you name it.
We often use porn, work or some other activity/substance to try and stop the pain, and sometimes it works, but eventually, if we continue to avoid dealing with the source of what is causing us pain, the porn/work/alcohol/etc., just becomes one more serious problem we need to deal with.
When did you first start viewing porn?
I’m pretty sure the first time I saw it was 11. It’s sometimes hard to calculate because I was brought up outside the Christian faith and even as a boy in elementary school I was well conditioned to view women as objects of lust or prizes. “If I can get her to like me, then I will really be important,” I would think.
The first time porn really took hold in my life was in my 20’s. I had been with my girlfriend/wife since I was 16. She was the first person who I could remember saying they loved me.
In hindsight, I desperately needed her validation because I hadn’t gotten it as a child, or certainly not nearly enough. We were married at 22 due to outside pressure and I had very little capacity to be a husband.
It certainly didn’t help that she also had huge amounts of baggage from her broken childhood as well, but there we were. The relationship ended when I was 26 and those last few years were rough.
During this time I felt the sting of her rejection of me deeply. I started using porn as an outlet because “the women in the pictures want me,” I would reason. The women in the magazines wanted me, and oh how I desperately wanted to be wanted by a woman.
For a few brief moments I was accepted by a woman, even if she was simply someone doing it for profit. The look in her eyes and her willingness to take off her clothes for me must have meant “I was accepted.”
I was using pornography to cushion the pain of rejection I felt from my wife.
I don’t want to imply that I was some helpless victim in this situation. It could easily be argued that her rejection of me was justified because I was a mediocre husband. This doesn’t change the feelings that I felt of rejection and the action steps I took to try and stuff those painful feelings by using pornography.
What pain are you running from?
Most of the addictive behaviours we exhibit in adulthood are rooted in childhood trauma. Broken homes, physical or verbal abuse, neglect, bullying or sexual assault are common traumatic events that begin the cycle of “self medicating” to stop the pain. When we’re children we usually don’t have the capacity to process through the traumatic situation and get past it, while in adulthood we have the comprehension abilities to change for the better.
If you’d like to talk about the challenges you’re currently facing, fill in the form below for a free 30 minute consultation. Feeling ashamed of sexual sin is understandable and I’d like to help you take some positive steps on the road to recovery. This is a no obligation, no strings attached “free” 30 minute consultation. Let’s talk!
Don’t try to be perfect
The road to recovery is full of ups and downs for all of us. None of us get it right all the time. It’s vital as you take steps to learn and improve your behaviour to remember that God alone is perfect!
What we do
There is no “one size fits all – quick fix – fast and easy” solution for a pornography addiction problem that has existed for years and sometimes decades in a person’s life. Here at Wind Swept Recovery Groups we are only one of the many options available to people who want to overcome pornography addiction problems. We don’t have all the answers.
What we do have is a simple, affordable and effective way for you get victory over your struggles with pornography.
Our Wind Swept Online Recovery Groups
have a number of great
features and benefits for you.
1. You’re not alone. You get to learn and travel the road to recovery with other Christians facing similar challenges. This support is invaluable when we are facing difficult situations in life. Strong feelings of loneliness often cause a person to retreat even more into themselves, which usually makes things worse.
2. You’re normal. Millions of Christians struggle with porn addiction and the underlying pain/challenges that cause people to self medicate in a manner that harms themselves and others. Learning to accept yourself as you are, right now, is vital to you gaining more control over your life and what’s important to you going forward.
3. Private. You will not be meeting with people in your recovery group that are part of your local church community, part of your family or work environment. This allows group participants to let their “guard down” and share more openly, listen without being defensive and more objectively hear what the group facilitator and the other people in the group are sharing.
4. Structured. Our groups are led by experienced facilitators who guide the conversations and make sure they are orderly and allow for equal sharing opportunities for each participant. The group facilitator also knows how to highlight the most important points that are shared in the online recovery groups. Not all information is of the same value, so it’s vital to have the facilitator keep the group on track. Without proper guidance from the facilitator, recovery groups, online or offline, are much less effective.
5. Convenient. Our online recovery groups allow you to get help “right where you are.” Each group session is 55 minutes long and starts at the top of the hour. You can access them in your car, from your home or wherever is convenient for you, which means it is easier for a person to find the time to get the help they need.
6. Affordable. Each facilitated session only costs $12.95 US.
7. Results Driven. Our groups exist for the sole purpose of getting positive results, which is founded in discovering root issues of trauma and pain and helping people develop new strategies to deal with their difficult situations. We exist to help people get free! We don’t have people sharing stories just for the sake of sharing stories. Our online recovery groups are focused on people taking action towards God honoring living. We teach people how to measure the results from the action steps they are taking so they can gain greater control over their lives and feel true freedom in Christ.
Sincerely,
Your brother in Christ
Chris Keenan
Wind Swept Recovery Groups
P. S. - Contact me for a free 30 minute consultation. Just fill in the form below and I’ll get in touch with you shortly.